Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight: It's Not Me, It's You

Chrissy, Christine, my Mom, and I went to David's Bridal this past Sunday to start the bridesmaid dress selection process. This reminded me of the time that Chrissy and I went to David's Bridal the summer after senior year b/c we had no money and it was air-conditioned. What better way to spend a day? We made up some (very realistic) story about how we were marrying twins in a dual wedding and that we needed to try on dresses. It was during the week and the lady that helped us then was much more attentive, either b/c our story was so believeable or because she had nothing better to do and knew that based on her excellent customer service, we would be back 12 years later.

But I digress. I called ahead to make an appointment (since I was told this needed to be done). We picked DB because most of the nicer places weren't open on Sundays and we really just wanted to get an idea of a style or a color since I didn't really have a clue what I was looking for. We met there at 12:40pm. The display dresses in the window were hideous, mostly pastels and very sparkly and mostly prom dresses. Nonetheless we entered the madness. It opened at 12pm but you would have thought it was open for 24 hours with the amount of people that were there (again, mostly looking for prom dresses) and the dresses strewn about the store. We checked in with the receptionist who asked my Mom to throw away her tea (I guess so she wouldn't spill it on all of the gorgeous, sparkly, pastel things they call dresses) and she questioned me whether my wedding would be a "trick or a treat". So friggin' clever. The receptionist paged someone and told us to start looking around and our consultant would find us and help us out.

Enter Shaniquah. I will only descibe her as missing a few key teeth and wearing dark tinted glasses. [Bridesmaids, Mom, and I start to exchange awkward glances.] She was excited to hear that the wedding was on Halloween because we would OBVIOUSLY pick orange as the bridesmaid's color. Less work for her! Before taking us over to a wall that had a poster stuck to it with 16-20 girls modeling dresses and color chart, she made sure to point out the section of the store with dye-able shoes (do people really still do this?) and mentioned the amazing 15% discount we would get off the shoes if we purchased the dresses. Ok, back to the chart, Shaniquah explained that we would probably pick a tangerine, coral, saffron, terracotta, or persimmon since they are varying shades of orange. I told her we were definitely going to do a fall palette but not really orange. She answered by telling me that we could do anything since it's a Halloween wedding and we could all be "queens." She told us to look at the poster and to walk around the store and "feel the dresses to experience" them and she would be back to help us. She walked away and we couldn't help but laugh and start to plan our escape route. It was at this juncture that we all agreed that it was necessary that we have a drink after this incredible bonding experience.

We navigated our way through a few aisles filled with prom dress shopping teenagers and other bridesmaids/brides before picking a bunch of dresses and placing them on a hook for when we entered the dressing room. When we had about 12, we went out in search of Shaniquah to get us settled in the dressing room. Are you picking up that we didn't see Shaniquah the entire time we were picking out dresses? We were left to fend for ourselves amoung the estrogen-enriched wolves. Finally, she took us back to the dressing rooms and even though I didn't think this was possible, it was even more chaotic. She found two dressing rooms side by side for Chrissy and Christine. Shaniquah asked them their bra and shoe size so they could look the part of beautiful bridesmaid. Christine stunned Shaniquah when she told her that she would need a size 8 shoe. Shaniquah shockingly said that she had big feet for such a small, tiny, little body. Awesome. Hey Shaniquah, do you have any dyeable clown shoes that my maid-of-honor can try? Idiot. We sifted through the dresses and tried not to get in the way of the other ladies (and I use that term loosely here) trying on bridal gowns and prom dresses.

At this point, we all agree that we are not getting anything from DB but in an effort to get something out of this experience, Chrissy and Christine tried on (I think) four dresses each. Shaniquah came back twice to tell Christine that the dress she had on was too big but did not offer to go get her another size. What she did offer was clips with hangers on them to tighten the dress around her, which I ended up doing anyway. There were a few dresses that were ok. We all liked one style but we really liked it in this color called "fern" which was a beautiful fall green that I think will look great on everyone (and make Soska's eyes just POP).

After the girls tried on their last dresses, my Mom asked if we should go back and look for more to try on. We all quickly agreed, much to my Mom's satisfaction, that we would rather just go and get a couple (many) drinks. We had accomplished something that day. We know NEVER to go back to DB and that we really liked the color "FERN" (which Chrissy is wearing in one of the pictures below). We packed up our things and left the dresses, bras, hanger clips, and Christine's size 8 shoes strewn about the dressing room and made our way to the exit, all the while dodging Shaniquah. We escaped and decided to go to Three Monkeys for drinks and apps and laugh about our follies of the day.

I guess there isn't much more to say. I've already said too much.